Decisions. We've all been confronted with them. We've all had to make them. And we all certainly know that some of them are harder to make than others. The worst part is, the older you get the harder the decisions seem to get.

For example, I'm officially graduating high school tonight. After that, all I want to do is relax and enjoy my summer. But I can't because at the back of my mind I know I have some important decisions to make concerning my future. I even have a deadline in which to make them! You'd think that would help me make my decisions faster... But oh how wrong you are. It just gives me more anxiety than I already have.

So here's the thing. Once you graduate high school, the 'right' thing to do is start uni or college. It's just this thing that's printed into our brains by our teachers, parents, society. If you're not rich or famous, it's what's expected of you and if that's not what you want, well tough. The problem is, I'm one of those people who just really don't want to go back to school. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure one day I will find something that I will be really excited and passionate about and all I'll want to do is go to school again. But that's not really how I'm feeling right now which to me seems like a sign that I'll probably be making a mistake if I go study right away... I just feel like I need a break. I need time. I need to figure out who the fuck I am and what I want to do with this life I've been given. But by the time I realized this, I had already found a residence to live at and I had kind of signed into a college.

So as you can imagine, the moment I told people how I was actually feeling everyone was a little surprised. And sure enough, they all had a different opinion on the situation. Some people thought it was a good idea. They thought it would be good for me, give me some time to figure things out. Others thought it was a little foolish because: 'If you don't go study, what on earth are you going to do?' That's something I've been asked a lot in the last couple of weeks.

Well... This is what I want to do:

I want to work till the beginning of November, then I want to go to South Africa and live with my dad for a while. I want to go exploring. I want to work on writing my book and I want to see my little sister again. It's been five years since I've been back home and I think that's long enough. If I had to wait till I graduate college, it will have been 8 years before I ever get back home.

Now, I am very aware that this is not a very solid plan. And I am also aware that it's smarter to stay, to study, to build a life for myself. That's what I've been told anyway, over and over and over again. One of my friends even told me I couldn't possibly leave because how will I ever be able to 'nestle'. TO NESTLE! I'm eighteen years old. I have my whole life ahead of me. I DO NOT want to nestle! But apparently that's not the right state of mind to have around here...

So I have till the 15th of August to decide what I'm going to do: study or explore. That's the last day I can cancel my room in my residence, free of charge. If I don't make a decision by then... I guess the decision is kind of made for me.

I thought a pro and con list might make things easier... But so far it hasn't really been that useful. So if any of you have some tips or experiences you think might help, feel free to share... There's this quote from Grey's anatomy by Meredith Grey that I can't seem to get out of my head...

Source: tumblr.com